Around the Bases

By Ralph Nader

First Base
Alex Rodriquez

A-Rod is in the news yet again! You ask, what could it be for this time, another Madonna scandal, is he trying to go back to his family, or is he donating a portion of his insane paycheck to people who actually need it? If you thought one of the above were correct, you are mistaken, A-Rod has become notorious in the news since becoming a New York Yankee. This is not a slap in the face to New Yorkers, but what A-Rod recently did is a slap in the face to the country. Alex Rodriquez has told the media that he is 100 percent sure that he wants to play for the Dominican Republic in the upcoming World Baseball Classic. Even though Alex isn’t from the Dominican Republic, he feels that it runs strong through his veins. A-Rod, you really need to use your brain, you are the most overrated baseball player, you left your kids and your wife for a washed up celebrity, and quite frankly the whole country hates you, clean up your act before you speak to the media next.

Second Base
The New England Patriots

Are the New England Patriots back in it? Well America, they were never out of it. Matt Cassel had a great bounce back week verse the Seattle Seahawks. But what does that really mean? Nothing. It means nothing to beat a team with Seneca Wallace as their star quarterback. The patriots need to play a good 60 minutes verse a team who is above .500. But the Patriots are back in the division, this may not look like a great win, seeing it was only a three point win against a 2-10 Seahawks team, but it gets a three way tie between the Patriots, Dolphins and Jets. In my eyes, the Patriots will win this division. Cassel has shown signs of greatness, this team is not going down without a fight, so watch out world, they may not be the 13-0 Patriots of last season, but they’re looking to go to the playoffs!

Third Base
O.J. Simpson

Thank god! Finally we have a murderer off the streets. Wow, its weird that you can get away with murder, but he couldn’t pull off a simple robbery! Ah, O.J. I am so disappointed in you. Where was Johnny Cockrian when you needed him? O.J., I’m not disappointed that you went to jail, or that you killed your wife, or that you were stupid enough to try to steal your own paraphernalia, which you could have remade by simply signing something else, but I am disappointed that no one will remember your Miami days. No one will remember you for being a Hiesmen winner, or one of the greatest running backs in the NFL, oh wait or was is wide receiver? See what I mean! No one is going to remember you for playing football, your just another menace to society. All you have left is to drive that white Ford Bronco into the sun and be on with your days O.J. fore you will never be forgotten, but your career will.

Home Plate
The Boston Celtics

Everything seems to be clicking for this team. There is not a single team in the NBA that can reckon with this squad. Through 22 games, they are 20-2, which ties the Chicago Bulls record in 95-96. But is this a team that’s going to go 72-10? Personally, it doesn’t matter as long as you get that gold trophy at the end of the season, and KG is screaming “Anything is possibleeeeeeeeee!” But, yes, this team could very well go 72-10, or even 73-9. This team is just dominating, the Big Three could be hurt missing the same game and the Celtics would steal beat about seventy-five percent of teams. The Celtics are just a team this year, and you may call this a bold prediction, but the Celtics will go 73-9.